what's the point of all this sadness?

i spoke to my father yesterday.

how are you?

me?

yeah.

I'm getting old.

I know what you mean, I said. I could tell from his silence that he felt like I did not. maybe i didn't want to acknowledge it.

i woke up this morning in the dark. with my eyes closed and cheek against the pillow, the mind wanders. thoughts escaping and sneaking about. and i thought about my time left.

and my growing sense was that life is a brutal journey to understand.

to understand ourselves, who we truly are, and what we're here to do.

i felt like i was finally, after decades of joy and even more struggle (sadness, grief, regret, pain, loss, and more, much more), starting to see the bigger picture.

as the realization grew, my brain started to awaken, and I began to forget.